If you’re reading this, then know I am no longer with this earth. This is not a joke or a prank or some account hacking or anything of the sort.
This is completely real and a final message to all my online acquaintances that have ever befriended, watched me on my fanfiction or deviantart accounts or youtube. Tumblr is the only media site I’m on that has a “timed post” so I felt this was the only way I can give whatever closure I can to all of you without having alerted anyone too soon.
Firstly, before I say anything, I want to say thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever left a comment or a review or talked to me online. It was always great to come home from a long day at work and see all the comments that viewers and followers left on my works. I’ve lost count of the amount of hours I’ve spent searching through Tumblr and getting laughs and enjoyment from so many other people in the same fandoms as me. It truly was great to share something like that with so many people.
Know that every ounce of kindness and fun I had with each and every one of you will always be something I hold close. You have all played at least one moment in my life, moments that are like diamonds to me in worth and just a reminding sadness of what I have let go.
I will miss creating fanart of characters I have held dear nearly my entire life. I will miss creating fanfiction and forms of writing that brought about its own entire entity and world. I will truly miss creating these pieces of works and sharing it with others and getting their feedback.
I will truly miss that.
I’m sure at least some of you will wonder, “Did I do enough?” Yes you did. You did everything I could ever ask for or expect from a friend, and more. Never question the amount of kindness or companionship you gave me. Never question if there was something more you could have done because in the end, there is nothing that anyone…anyone could have done to mend or heal my pains or to keep me going. I decided that I simply did not want to deal with my pains anymore. Nothing more, nothing less.
If there was anything, anything at all that I felt would have kept me going, something that a friend or family member could do, I would have reached out. I would have asked for help, but no one I know can remedy these pains, both physical and emotional.
It was a decision I made on my own and died with on my own. It was something I was debating and trying to make a decision on for many years of my life until it finally came full circle. I don’t think there is a day that didn’t go by that I didn’t think about dieing at least for one moment in each of those days. It was a thought that stayed with me long before I met the vast majority of you…actually…probably all of you. The only people who have ever been there from the beginning have long since been gone, on with their lives and who I have long since never had contact with or kept contact with. Part of me is glad that none of you were there when my pains first truly started because it would be too sad to see how much I have truly changed since then and not in the best of ways. You didn’t have to sit through the years and see the downgrade of my emotions, the horrible down spiral of my personality and seeing it dwindling down to but a shadow of what it once was.
None of you had to be witness to the true loss of what I used to be; the spark I once had, the true joyful nature and bubbliness that I used to carry with me, the optimism I used to uphold. I can’t think of anything more saddening then to be witness to something beautiful wither over the years until its like a dead thing sitting and collecting dust.
-To the readers of the story, “Behind Closed Doors” a GrimmIchi Fanfic-
I truly wanted to finish this story. I was so close to the end of this incredible story that I wrote for more than a year on, but no matter how I tried, I just could not find the motivation or inspiration to finish it so I will give a brief summary of how it ends. I left off on what the 30th chapter. Grimmjow and Ichigo have a meal together. Ichigo asks Grimmjow what he plans to do if they make it out alive. Grimmjow never had a chance to ponder such plans so he’s not sure. He then asks Ichigo back the same question to which Ichigo answers, “I was thinking…we could get a place together. It’s going to be a bumpy start in a new country so might as well rent a place with someone to make it easier, but most importantly with someone I trust.Don’t feel obligated to stick around after all this, but…it’s just a thought.” Grimmjow then agrees to the idea, surprising Ichigo with his answer.
Later they head out so Grimmjow can finish Ichigo’s paper work at his office, giving Ichigo a chance to see Uryuu again and fill him on everything that had happened. Uryuu mentions Shinji as to which Ichigo states that Shinji had helped him once. Grimmjow then takes Ichigo clothes shopping and his badge for work. It is later Grimmjow takes Ichigo finally to the camp to see his family. After seeing his family and other Jews in such conditions, it compels Ichigo later when they get back to Nel’s place, to beg Grimmjow to help them. They argue for a bit until Grimmjow demans that Ichigo gives himself to him as final proof of trust as to which Ichigo blurts out, “damn it grimmjow I WANT…you…” pausing in mid word as he realized what was about to explode from his mouth in frustration. “i…” not believing what uttered from his tongue “you…what? What were you going to say?!” “i…” “…SAY IT!” “I WANT YOU!”
From this point on in the best summary I can give from the last bit I documented with my ideas for the story, it basically goes something to the affect of, Ichigo does his job for a bit while he, Uryuu, and Shinji makes plans for them and their family to leave. Grimmjow get’s Ichigo’s family out eventually as they all leave together with Nell, but not without having a gun fight upon getting caught at a junction point. Not one gets to seriously hurt except some guards, but eventually they make it out of the country. It some time later with a small time gap that the Nuremberg Trials take place. Grimmjow is seized to be put on trial since he’s one of the many major Generals. Ichigo attends the trial as he’s asked many questions of the crimes he did indeed commit, but nothing too horribly gruesome or terrible, but enough to put him away, but during the near end of the trial, Ichigo pleads to have the sentence reduced as he makes his case about what Grimmjow did for him and his family as well as Uryuu and his father. Etc etc. The judge | jury, take it into consideration and lowers the jail sentence for Grimmjow. Ichigo waits patiently for the sentence to be up and he writes Grimmjow nearly every day and visits him as much as possible until finally he is set free. They get a place together and live out the rest of their lives in peace.
If any follower of this story wants to finish where I left off with the information given here, you are free to do so. I’m deserves to finality that I can no longer finish. I would be honored if someone did take on the task of finishing it, but its not obligated. I at least wanted my followers to know where I was leading the rest of the story and how it generally ends. I am truly sorry I didn’t finish this and I can not express with words the amount of gratitude I have for everyone who left the most beautiful and wonderful reviews I have ever received for any form of fiction I have ever written.
-To Callie, my closest online friend-
There is no form of apology in any language, written form or verbal that can make up for the decision I have made, the action I have taken and the pain this will bring you.
To be honest, I’m not really sure what to say so I’ll keep it brief.
We’ve been friends since 2008 and it is the closest online friendship I have ever had. It truly was. I’ll never forget the fun we had roleplaying. You’re definitely the best roleplayer I ever roleplayed with. I’ll never forget all the laughs we’ve had and sharing the same fandoms. I’ll never forget the fun of watching you advance in your drawing skills and helping you learn to shade. It’s been really fun. I just wish I knew a simple way to explain to you the depths of my pain and why I have made this decision, but I just can’t.
I’d have to write a novel to explain where my pains stem from and why they stuck with me until the end.
You have been through so much since I first met you, and you have made it so far. I know you are plagued and haunted by insecurities that I too had once a upon a time ago. I know the pain and I know the struggles you have gone through. All I can say is, that I’ve already said a thousand times before; you are beautiful. You will always be beautiful and one day you will learn to see it for yourself. You’re incredibly smart and quick witted. You’re talented and passionate about animals. You’re stronger than you think you are. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have made it as far as you have. You are a higher minded thinker than the rest of the lot and truly a diamond in the rough. There are so many qualities about you that you have yet to truly see for yourself and truly believe that you have. One day you will discover these things for what they are and you will shine brighter than a thousand suns. I can only pray that you never have to ever go down the roads I have gone down, feel the pains I have always felt.
You are one of many unique individuals I have been gifted with chance to meet and I will never forget you. I don’t know what God has planned for me in the afterlife, but if I can and he allows it, I will watch over you for the rest of your days.
I don’t expect any forgiveness for the pain this will ricocheted not just to you, but to my family and other friends as well. I truly tried to stay as long as I could stand it, but I can stand it no longer.
I am so sorry to you and to everyone.
I am truly sorry.
Goodbye, good luck, forevermore. -DragonKeeper333